Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
