Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
