are you so shy because you have an std?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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