Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Rumble strips road head = magical
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
