Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
