Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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