Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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