I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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