saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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