piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
