I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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