you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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