Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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