you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
