I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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