Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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