she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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