You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and she was petting her beer can
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
