is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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