Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she told me i tasted like america
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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