the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
