just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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