I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
