Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
