The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
