Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
