We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
