I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
