Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize