Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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