I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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