my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
