Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
