her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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