Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
