are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
did you just send me my own nude
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
