I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
