my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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