you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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