Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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