Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
