the new term for farting is butt boxing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
