your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
