I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
