I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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