who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
