I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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