I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
