At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
