I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Alive.
So much puke
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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