Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
