I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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