I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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