I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
