And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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