Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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