it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
