I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need moral support for this bender
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
