booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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