My hair reeks of homosexuality.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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