i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
