I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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