Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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