The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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