girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
