my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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