I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
