just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
