I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
