good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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