dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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