i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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