After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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