Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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