I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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