after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
