Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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