You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
